If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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