haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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