the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
