tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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