Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
