oh god the rape fog is back!
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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