shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
