We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
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