What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
