Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
