So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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