i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
