Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
