so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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