At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
