Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
