so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
