Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
