I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
