I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
