A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
