It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
