haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
