I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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