My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I think a kid would responsible me up
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
