I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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