i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
