So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
