I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
