: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
