So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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