I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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