the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
