I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
