he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
