the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Don't tell me you're on acid again
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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