need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
