I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
