I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
