do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
