I met the friendliest cop last night
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
