I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize