and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
