Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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