Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
