take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
