It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
