hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
