Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
