You're my little dorito
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
