My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just threw up on my dentist
this boner is exhausting
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
