i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I believe in your delicious
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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