Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
