She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
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