I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
