you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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