No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
