Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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