My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
