OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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