They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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