I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
