i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
