before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Two words: nipple clamps
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