Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize