if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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