I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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