a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
