i can't believe i had my finger in that
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
