IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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