Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
