Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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