My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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