just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
