Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
