dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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