We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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